When someone dies, the people around them often want to help and are not sure how. Flowers are one of the oldest and gentlest ways to say I am thinking of you when words fall short. But sympathy flowers come with quiet conventions, and most people only need them once or twice in a lifetime. This guide explains what to send, when to send it, and where, so you can act with confidence at a difficult moment.
Sympathy flowers and funeral flowers are not the same thing
The two terms are often used interchangeably, but they describe different gestures.
Funeral flowers are sent to the service itself — a funeral home, chapel, or place of worship — and are usually larger, formal pieces: standing sprays, wreaths, and casket arrangements. They are displayed during the wake or service and are chosen by, or on behalf of, close family and friends.
Sympathy flowers are sent to the bereaved directly, most often to their home. They are smaller and more personal — a bouquet, a vase arrangement, or a living plant — and they are meant to comfort the family in the days and weeks after the loss.
If you are close to the family, you might send both. If you are a colleague, a neighbour, or a more distant friend, a sympathy arrangement to the home is almost always the right choice.
What to send to a funeral home or chapel
Formal tributes belong at the service. Standing sprays on easels, wreaths, and arrangements designed to be seen from a distance are all appropriate. If you are ordering for a service in New York City, it helps to confirm two things first: the name and address of the funeral home, and the date and time of the service, so the flowers arrive before the family does. Our funeral homes we serve page lists venues we deliver to regularly, and our step-by-step guide explains how to send flowers to a funeral home.
Browse formal pieces in our funeral service flowers collection.
What to send to the family's home
A gift sent to the home should feel personal and easy to live with. A hand-tied bouquet or a vase arrangement is welcoming. A living plant or an orchid is often appreciated even more, because it lasts well beyond the first difficult week and asks little of a grieving household. Our sympathy orchids are a popular choice for exactly this reason.
See all options in the sympathy flowers collection.
Choosing colours
White is the traditional colour of sympathy. White roses, lilies, orchids, and calla lilies read as calm, respectful, and appropriate in any setting and for any faith — which is why our white sympathy flowers collection exists.
Colour is not forbidden. For a celebration-of-life service, or when you knew the person well and want to reflect their spirit, soft or even vibrant tones can be a thoughtful and personal choice. The safest rule: when you are sending on behalf of others, or you did not know the family's wishes, choose white. When the gesture is personal and you knew the person, let what you knew of them guide you.
Religious and cultural considerations
Catholic and most Christian traditions welcome flowers. Sprays and wreaths are appropriate at the funeral home, and arrangements are fitting for the home afterward. See our guide to Catholic funeral flowers for more.
Jewish tradition is different. Flowers are not customary at a Jewish funeral or shiva, particularly in Orthodox and Conservative communities. A donation to a charity the family names, or a food basket sent to the shiva home, is usually more in keeping with the customs. Some families do welcome a plant or flowers; when in doubt, ask the family or the funeral home rather than assume.
If you do not know the family's faith or wishes, a simple white arrangement sent to the home, or a charitable donation, is rarely wrong.
When to send sympathy flowers
Funeral flowers should arrive before the service begins, so timing follows the funeral schedule. Sympathy flowers for the home are more forgiving. The days immediately after a loss are appropriate, but so are the quieter weeks that follow, when most other visitors have gone and the family feels the loss most. A gesture that arrives two or three weeks later is not late — it is often the one that means the most.
What to write on the card
Keep it short and sincere. You do not need to find perfect words; presence matters more than eloquence. "Thinking of you and your family" or "With deepest sympathy" is enough. If you knew the person, one specific, warm memory of them is a gift in itself. For more wording, see our sympathy card message library.
Sending sympathy flowers in New York City
Alaric Sympathy hand-designs every arrangement in Manhattan. We offer same-day delivery across Manhattan when you order by 2pm ET, and delivery to Brooklyn Heights, DUMBO, and Long Island City. Funeral-home and chapel deliveries are timed to arrive ahead of the service. If you are arranging flowers from outside the city, or you are unsure what is appropriate for a particular service, call us at (212) 308-3794 and we will help.
Frequently asked questions
Should I send flowers to the funeral home or the family's home?
If you are close to the family, either or both is appropriate. If you are a colleague or a more distant friend, a sympathy arrangement to the home is the simplest and most personal choice.
Are sympathy flowers always white?
White is traditional and always appropriate. Colour is acceptable for a celebration-of-life service or when the gesture is personal and reflects the person who died. When sending on behalf of a group, choose white.
Is it ever too late to send sympathy flowers?
No. Flowers sent in the weeks after a loss, when other visitors have gone, are often the most meaningful.
What should I send if the family is Jewish?
Flowers are not customary at a Jewish funeral or shiva. A charitable donation, or a food basket sent to the shiva home, is usually more appropriate. Ask the family or funeral home if you are unsure.
Can you deliver to a funeral home the same day?
Yes, across Manhattan when you order by 2pm ET. We time funeral-home deliveries to arrive before the service. Call (212) 308-3794 for a specific service time.